Well before I knew it I never got back to writing on my blog.  I don’t know could it be that I didn’t make the time…yes; could it be that work fried me….possibly; could it be that 3 teenage girls have stressed me out….yes; or could it be that I had to make a trip home to my parents for funeral…yes.  No matter the reason here I am.  I had all of the best intentions to jump right in to my blogging but when I went to do it my brain just drew a blank.  I think that it is easy to just overthink about what I am going to write as if there is a right or wrong way as opposed to just sitting down and writing, not really caring what I write because this is mine, no one elses.  In fact I have come to the conclusion that no one else will ever read this so yippee it really doesn’t matter….lol.

Daughter Moment – So a week ago a long time family friend, a beautiful woman/friend of my mom’s that touched my life in many ways passed away.  There are few people that I would truly drive home for their funeral but this was not a question for me.  My siblings and I went over to visit her in January which I am so grateful we did.  She gave us a small gift which I now cherish more than ever because she thought of us.  What I am disappointed about is the fact that I didn’t get my thank you note off despite my mom persistently asking me to do so, and me with all of the good intentions in the world to do it.  Then she had a stroke and within a couple of weeks passed away.  Before she died I sent her son a note and a copy of a picture we took on that visit to share with her and to let her know I was thinking of her and sending my love and prayers.  I know that he shared with her which warms my heart but I still struggle with not doing so before she became ill.  The thing is I know I am not alone in moments and situations like this.  Although I am pretty sure my mom thinks I am….lol.  It isn’t that I’m not thankful, appreciative, touched, etc., etc. but it doesn’t happen because I forget until the ungodly hour of midnight and then forget again by morning.  Surely I am not alone?  But I move on.  In the end I believe she has moved on to a better place and knows I truly was thankful for all the kindness and loved she showed us over the years.  But I truly went home for my mom.

My mom is struggling with losing her friends and the reality of death grows each day.  I knew she needed me to come home so I did.  As did my sister.  Dad was present but he doesn’t hang around for the girl talk…lol.  We went home the night before the funeral and talked until 2am….laughing, talking, sharing about everything and nothing.  I had the best time.  I realized that evening that my days with my mom are getting fewer and fewer and it is in small moments like this that I need to be present.  My mom didn’t try to give me advice and change me (lol) but just enjoyed the moment with us.  Sometimes those boundaries are hard to wade through but I decided I must do better.  Now if I can put it into action…. 🙂

My dad is a funny man.  He is a man of routines and him.  He is definitely a part of a time gone by….lol.  He comes and goes checking in and is so happy to hear us laughing and sharing and being home but he doesn’t need to sit with us and engage for more than a few moments at a time.  But when he does we must focus on him…lol.  God bless my mom.  Now add 80 yrs old and hard of hearing and it’s an epic visit.  I had to laugh to myself.  We all went out for breakfast, but I wore a casual Lularoe shirt with some exercise capris and my ball hat, which he didn’t really like.  He kept saying don’t you want to change your clothes….lol.  Well no I didn’t and you know what I told him just that.  My sister and I had a good laugh thinking about how had I been a teenager or young adult even he would have insisted on my changing and refusing to take me if I didn’t.  But I’m not I am 49 and you know what I am all about being comfortable…lol.

They are funny birds as I like to say.  But they are aging birds and I am going to work on making the journey home more in the coming months and years (hopefully) if my brain allows me to plan and remember further than today.